A Letter to My Daughters, Christmas 2004

This is a letter to my precious daughters. I'm posting it on my blog because it is the best assurance that no one will see it.

I wonder sometimes if you'll remember me as Scrooge-like for not being more "into" gift-buying. Perhaps, through your childlike perceptions, you might think me stingy, crabby, cheap? But I'll have to take my chances.

I sit in our home, unfortunately surrounded by movies we never got around to watching, books we can't reach to take off the shelves for the boxes blocking the bookcase, CD-roms never used, a ping-pong table -- unusable due to what's stored on top, toys you can't find, craft kits unassembled for want of a clear workspace, sports equipment ... well, you get the idea. The want that plagued earlier generations has been replaced by the excess that is no less a plague to this generation.

My mind boggles. How could we ever possibly have time enough to enjoy all we already own, let alone to add yet more to the mix? How did wanting to provide my children with the best of everything turn into providing you with, well, just everything. Everything but the two things you presently need: the time and space to enjoy what we already have.

And so, my dear children, I must apologize for burying you with stuff. And for frustrating you with an endless list of activities we just never seem to "get around to." Time marches on. "Not today" turns into "someday" which deteriorates into "when will we ever?" Girls, I am sorry for promises not kept. Plans unfulfilled. Dreams deferred. Joys put on hold. I can't place the blame on the ills of modern society. I will shoulder this one. I am sorry.

The gift I wish to give you is this: Time and Space. Sounds so lofty like that. And yet, I am totally mindful that this shouldn't be a bonus that you are gifted with. Rather I would have had it be a birthright you could expect and rely upon.

On one hand, you can argue that there is never enough time. But I have a sneaking suspicion that I will know when I'm approaching the zone of acceptability I set for myself in this; that I have given you adequate time and space to enjoy. As to HOW I will get there, I don't exactly know, other than a notion that my own self-discipline will be involved. I do, however, know that adding more junk to the bounty we already have would not be part of the solution, but compounding the problem.

This leaves you in the unfortunate place of having neither the time and space you need; nor the additional stuff you want. I have only the ability to throw myself upon your mercy to understand that I am trying to spare you the Good in order to give you the Best. You won't understand. You're kids; you shouldn't have to.

I know you have the full assurance of my love in abundance. And I will say it again, "I love you." You have seen many shortcomings in me already, and there are more to come. I pray that I am on the right path. I close now to go work on the gift you can't get in a store. Not unlimited time or space, just a time-space upgrade that you will be able to truly see and feel. Merry Christmas, my precious Angels.